Berk: Development Throught the Lifespan

RUTH IN HER MID- TO LATE EIGHTIES

At age 64, Walt gave up his photography business and looked forward to leisure years ahead with 60-year-old Ruth, who retired from her position as a social worker at the same time. This culminating phase of Walt and Ruth's lives was filled with volunteer work, golfing three times a week, and joint summer vacations with Walt's older brother Dick and his wife Goldie. Walt also took up activities he had always loved but had little time to pursue—writing poems and short stories, attending theater performances, enrolling in a class on world politics, and cultivating a garden that became the envy of the neighborhood. Ruth read voraciously, served on the board of directors of an adoption agency, and had more time to visit her sister Ida in a nearby city.

Over the next 20 years, Walt and Ruth's energy and vitality was an inspiration to everyone who met them. Their warmth, concern for others, and generosity with their time led not just their own children and grandchildren, but former co-workers, nieces, nephews, and children of their friends to seek them out. On weekends, their home was alive with visitors.

Then, in their early eighties, the couple's lives changed profoundly. Walt had surgery to treat an enlarged, cancerous prostate gland and within 3 months was hospitalized again after a heart attack. He lingered for 6 weeks, with Ruth at his side, and then died. Ruth's grieving was interrupted by the need to care for her sister Ida, Alert and spry at age 78, Ida deteriorated mentally in her seventy-ninth year, despite otherwise being in excellent physical health. In the meantime, Ruth's osteoarthritis worsened and her vision and hearing weakened.

As Ruth turned 85, certain activities had become more difficult—but not impossible. "It just takes a little adjustment!" Ruth exclaimed in her usual upbeat manner. Reading was harder, so she checked out "talking books" from her local library. Her gait was slower and her eyesight less reliable, so she hesitated to go out alone. When her daughter Sybil and family took Ruth to dinner, the conversation moved so quickly in the noisy restaurant that Ruth felt overwhelmed and said little. But interacting with her on a one-to-one basis revealed that she was far from passive and withdrawn! In a calm environment, she showed the same intelligence, wit, and astute insights that she had displayed all her life.

Nevertheless, Ruth encountered prejudices, within and beyond her family, that underscored widespread stereotypes of aging. One day, she tried to make dinner reservations at an Italian restaurant; her daughter Sybil and Sybil's husband Joe had offered to take her out. When the host answered the phone, Ruth hesitated. It took her a few moments to gather her thoughts and explain what she wanted.

"Sorry, we're full. No tables available," said the host, hearing Ruth's aging voice on the other end of the line.

"Here, let me try to get a reservation," said Sybil when she arrived at Ruth's place later that the afternoon. After hanging up, Sybil exclaimed, "Sure, they've got plenty of tables. We have one for 7pm." The restaurant was, indeed, half empty that evening, and Ruth puzzled over why she hadn't succeeded on the telephone.

Although Ruth attended a water-based exercise class to maintain mobility in the face of osteoarthritis, she moved slowly. Her vision had declined enough that she had to hold on to someone's arm on city streets; she could not longer go out alone. Even though she wore a hearing aid, detecting conversations required a very quiet environment. At the restaurant, Joe raised his voice impatiently when Ruth asked him to repeat himself. Then he said, "Be honest, Syb, Ruth's going deaf isn't she?" This time, Ruth heard every word. At the family's Thanksgiving reunion a few weeks later, fewer relatives took time to talk with Ruth, and she felt some pangs of loneliness.

By her mid-eighties many same-age friends and relatives had died, and Ruth spent more time with Margaret, a 55-year-old widow she met while serving on the board of directors of an adoption agency during earlier years of her retirement. Margaret visited two or three times a month. Occasionally the two women went to plays and concerts together, but as Ruth aged, more often they sat over tea and sandwiches at Ruth's diningroom table, talking for several hours. Ruth spoke candidly to her friend about what this period of her life was like:

"There aren't many friends my own age any longer. It's a new phase and I just have to accept that. This darned macular degeneration, it drives me crazy, Marg. I have to use this huge magnifying glass to read the newspaper. Even then, I tire. I can hardly get through a single article. Outside, I can't see people or cars coming toward me because the central vision is gone; peripheral is all that's left. Going anywhere without assistance is impossible.
"Sybil comes over and tries to do everything for me. I have to brace myself and tell her what she can and can't do. She wants me to move to her house so she can take care of me, but how can I give up my home? There are so many memories here of Walt and our life together that when I'm here, I still feel his presence.
"And you know, Marg, Joe's not very patient. I'm convinced he thinks I'm totally blind, deaf, and senile. If I ask Sybil or him a question, they often answer curtly. Last week, when I loaned them a family document, they returned a photocopy to me—not the original! They think I'm so visually impaired I can't tell the difference. I don't want to provoke a family argument, so I haven't said anything about it."

"Marg, you must be hungry," Ruth offered. "Let me get you some lunch." Ruth moved around her home slowly but adeptly. In the kitchen, she reached in the refrigerator, felt for the bread and lunch meat, and made some sandwiches while Margaret boiled water for tea. Margaret observed that Ruth was familiar with every nook and cranny of her living space and, with occasional help, was still quite competent at managing on her own.

As the two friends sat down at the table, Ruth asked, "You know, Marg, I've never had a computer. I'm just curious, what does 'www.com' mean? I hear it all the time on the TV and radio. And how does e-mail work? Sybil and Joe say they use e-mail."

Margaret began to explain the internet, and Ruth listened, wide-eyed with amazement. Then she remarked, "You know, I've been trying to find this out from Sybil and Joe for months, but they were convinced I couldn't understand. It's a changed world, Marg. I can hardly believe it—sending a letter to someone halfway around the world and getting an answer within minutes."

Extending the Websketch

Chapter 17

Among the physical changes Ruth experienced in her eighties were declines in hearing, macular degeneration, and progressive osteoarthritis. Explain why each of these changes occurs, how typical each is of the elder years, and the impact of each on older people's self-confidence and everyday behavior.
Great diversity exists in older adults' adaptation to the physical changes of aging. Evaluate Ruth's coping strategies. Are they effective, and if so, why? How can negative stereotypes of aging interfere with elders' ability to cope adaptively with age-related change?
What cognitive changes of aging might explain Ruth's delayed verbal response to the host who answered the telephone at the restaurant? Why do these cognitive changes occur?

Chapter 18

What typical personality changes of late adulthood are suggested by Ruth's conversation and behavior? Why do these changes occur?
Why is it important for Ruth to tell Sybil which tasks to help with and which ones Ruth wishes to do herself, rather than permitting Sybil to make these decisions?
Drawing on social theories of aging, explain why Ruth is generally satisfied with life, despite the fact that her social network and opportunities for social interaction have become more limited. How does Ruth avoid stress and maintain emotional equilibrium in her relationships, and why is it important for her to do so?
Sybil wants Ruth to come live with her. Why does Ruth, like most elders, want to remain in her own home?