First Year Focus

Last Hurrah

Well, this is it -- The Last Column. I started writing it a long time ago, convinced that the best thing to do was make a list of all the things I learned freshman year. Now that I look at the list (included at the bottom of this column), I realize that I might have learned these things, but I didn't always follow them. In fact, I look at the advice I've given in this column throughout the course of the year, and most of the time, I haven't taken it myself. So that's my first real piece of advice to you -- if you learn things for yourself (and you will), then act on what you learn.

I refer back to my dating columns, specifically Dating at Duke. Have I listened to what I said? Nope. I even sent a copy of that column to a friend last night, and he refused to believe I had written it. I look at the column I wrote about being myself. The fact is, I haven't yet learned who I am, so it's kind of hard to be that person. And I probably won't ever know everything there is to know about who I am -- I don't think anyone ever does. Hell, I'll probably go back and reread this column a couple of months from now and wonder why I haven't yet started acting on my own advice. I doubt things will change that much.

But they may change for you, which is why I'm still bothering to tell you what I've learned in the hopes that you won't have to learn these things the hard way, like I have. I realize that most of you probably will accept what I have to say, then go out and learn it all over again through your own experiences. That's why I've always wondered about the value of an advice column -- the things I have to say are from my own perspective. No matter what someone tells you, sometimes there's no way to hear it unless you find yourself in the same situation. But maybe you'll be a little bit more prepared than you would have been without this column, and if that's the case, then I've fulfilled my purpose here.

In one way, I can't believe this column is actually ending -- I have no idea where the year went. I remember every detail, in perfect focus, of the moment when I discovered I would have the opportunity to found a column like this. But from another perspective, I don't even feel like the same person who ran around the kitchen for ten minutes jumping up and down and yelling about my new project. There's a part of me that's still that girl, but there's a lot of me that isn't. And that's scary, because I wonder which person is the real me. I think a lot of the freshmen here have gone through that -- is the real person the one who derived some of her personality from a comfortable home before college, or is she what was left when all of that disappeared?

That's what some of you are about to find out. I wish you all the luck in the world, and in a way I'm a little bit jealous. Go out there and blow them all away, will you? I'm going to miss you guys -- the ones who wrote to me, the ones who didn't, the ones who listened to me, the ones who laughed at me. All of you. I didn't start writing this column because I wanted to hear myself talk. I wanted you to hear me.

Lessons I've Learned

Never mistake physical intimacy for emotional intimacy.
Nice guys may finish last, but at least they finish what they start.
Never smoke indoors (unless you're in the stairwell.)
Parking sucks. Deal with it.
Random hook-ups are band-aids for your self-esteem -- they may cover up a problem, but they wont fix it.
Pay attention in class. Especially in Calc.
There are no restrictions when it comes to dating... except those involving good judgment.
All-nighters are NOT WORTH IT!
Infatuations die fast.
Vivarin makes you pee. (Thanks to Jon for this eloquent advice.)
Don't be obsessed with someone who is 800 billion miles away.
Wash your clothes! Change your sheets!
Basketball is life.
Email is a gift from God.
Be self-reliant. Stay in on the weekend sometimes. Pamper yourself.
Learn phone numbers for: the local pizza and Chinese delivery places, your best friends, and home (then again, you probably already know that one.)
Avoid dormcest if at all possible... and that's not really possible.
Learn what isn't taught in class. Learn the tango, the shag, the waltz. Learn to bungee jump. Learn to love. Learn your own secrets. Learn to be yourself.
If you're applying to UNC... go to hell, Carolina, go to hell!
Take pictures. Lots of them.
21 is a lucky number.
Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself -- being a freshman is your certified excuse.
But don't make a fool of yourself all the time -- people talk.
BE HONEST with others and yourself.

And finally...
Things really do work out for the best.

Good luck, and look for me to infringe on the rights of next year's Brinks and write a couple of guest columns next year. I don't imagine I'll be able to keep my mouth shut for too long. :)