First Year Focus

Three Month Itch

They say that college is a time of change, a time of recreating oneself. But that can put a relationship through natural selection -- adapt or die. Sometimes it doesnt work.

Everyone needed to go home for Christmas break. We were tired, stressed, missing our homes and definitely ready for a change of pace. But when we returned, most of us had changed. My friends Holly and Jonas, the "old married couple" of the dorm, had gone on a cruise together over break, and they came back stronger than ever. Others who didn't have relationships changed as well -- after seeing their friends at home, it was tough to leave. And of course some people didn't change at all.

Then there was Jon. We both changed -- I can't pinpoint how, but it happened. The stress of Rush combined with new classes, tenting for me, and a new job for Jon didn't help either. We tried to adapt, but we couldn't. So last Wednesday, we succumbed to that natural selection. I initiated it, but I think we both knew it was coming.

What followed was a short but intense ordeal of more adaptation, this time adjusting to the single life that we both lived during first semester. I don't know how Jon's doing with it, but for me it's been a roller coaster. Last Friday, Chi-O had its first semiformal. I had been planning for weeks to go with Jon. Instead, I got set up on a blind date with a sophomore from Pi Kappa Alpha, one of the best frats on campus. It was flattering and tons of fun, and I hope I'll see him again -- I just got an email from him this morning -- but still, the whole time I wasn't sure how to act. It felt like first semester all over again, and first semester, while fun, was never really "comfortable" until I met Jon.

I realize that most of you out there (aside from my personal friends who read this column) don't really see how my latest soap opera applies to you. At one point, I too thought I was the only one going through this. It wasn't true. After making my friends into sounding boards and listening to their stories, I found that the three-month marker seems to be a big test for college relationships. Everyone had a story about the "real issues" they started dealing with at three months, and I realized that Jon's and my relationship had been so emotionally intense that it was surprising we didn't come across those issues until second semester. Our failure on the three-month test is a testament to the fact that it wasn't meant to work out anyway.

But what good did this relationship do me? What have I learned from all this?

Breaking up is hard to do (as if I didn't know that already!) But sometimes it's just the best thing for both people.
Don't get too dependent on one person. I have to revive my old friendships now because I let Jon dominate my life while we were dating. Boys may come and go, but true friends are forever. I should have kept that in mind. And make sure you have those friends... my sorority sisters in particular have made everything so much easier.
Don't stay in a relationship if it makes you unhappy. Rough times are important to get through, but when even the good times seem like bad times, nothing may be able to fix things up.
Be good to yourself. Look out for yourself. YOU are the most important person in your life.
Some things just aren't meant to be... and if they are, they will happen. Things really do have a way of working out for the best.
Forgive. Forget. Move on. It's the only way you'll be happy again.